“These Kids & Their Pronouns”
"I don’t know what you young kids keep talking about but I have a vagina so my pronouns are she and her."
I didn’t ask to be yanked into this moment. Sitting in my social work class, committed to learning about how to be better,
live better,
support better.
I didn’t ask to be the only one in this group who was out and queer.
To look around at the five of us and realize,
that no one else was going to say anything,
so it was now or never.
"I have a vagina, and my pronouns are she/they."
I hate how much it sounded like a question.
An apology.
The silence swallowed me whole.
The nervous laughter. The blank faces.
I didn’t ask to have everyone’s eyes on me, witnessing my anger and defense.
All of it followed by,
“Oh I had no idea!” & “Well what does that mean?”
“How should I write that out for our paper?”
Meanwhile the transphobe moves right onward like nothing happened.
Just looks down at her work as my peers try to overcompensate for the harm she had caused.
Well, it was too late. A former lawyer, of all professions, and this mature student was able to suffocate me with just two dozen words.
In my safe space, where I usually don’t worry, I don't hide or apologize; she suffocated me.
Every text she sends now, starts with, “hey girls!”
It’s deliberate. It’s subtle. It’s exhausting.
When you can choose every day to uplift those around you, I’ll never understand why people choose the opposite.
I wasn’t prepared for my instinctual response to be anger.
And as much as it was a brave thing to do,
I shouldn’t have had to do it.
You think I’m not confused by myself all the time?
Questioning,
if I really need both pronouns?
Is that even me?
No one uses my pronouns properly anyways.
Truly, it was an unsafe thing to say.
I wish I hadn’t put myself in that position but it all happened so fast.
My anger grew so fast.
I’ve been told by others that this woman can’t even say the word “trans”.
She says, “those people” instead.
This story sucks, so please let it be a reminder that your words matter.
Even if you’re not being directly homophobic/transphobic, micro-aggressions and jokes are just as bad.
And if you’re standing by and watching, please recognize that you’re only contributing to how hard it is for this person to be pulled into a moment that they didn’t ask for.
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